Shirley Temple

 Crystal just confused Shirley Temple with Marilyn Monroe because "they're both blonde people who lived a long time ago"...

Animals

Ryan and Mel: We like “Elephant and Piggie” in this house?

Crystal: Is that the one with the mouse?

External Processing

Crystal, while I was driving down the street:
Look at how green that car is! It’s like Starburst green! It is so green! There aren’t even green Starbursts!

The Heartland

I had said something about “the heartland”.

Crystal: The heartland? Where is that!?

Me: It’s like Nebraska

Crystal: What is that!? Is that a city or a state!? Where is that even!? Is that where Napoleon Dynamite is from? Is that blue corn? Blue corn!! Is Indiana blue corn?

I kept asking what she was talking about. Purple mountain majesty? And she kept insisting that blue corn is a thing and connected to a state.

Real Lyrics

Crystal had just asked me how I thought of a random thing I just said:


Me: “I pulled that right out of my butt. I reached my hand all the way up my pant leg, up to my butt hole, put my fingers in my butt hole, and pulled it straight out of my butt.”

Crystal (serious): “Is that from... Are those the real words to, you know..., what is that? Yankee Doodle?”

Dicking War

Crystal: “Were they having a dicking war? Wait, what? A dick spray fight?”

I think pissing contest or dick measuring contest was the phrase she was going for...?

Reader Submission: Mega?

Crystal, pointing at iPhone: Is that a mega?

Peggy: You mean a plus?