Circumcision

If Crystal orders any type of beverage and it's served with a straw and the top of the straw wrapper is left on, she matter-of-factly calls it a straw foreskin. Then she rips it off.

Shiny Bus

We were driving down the highway at night. All of a sudden...

Crystal: "OH! What a shiny bus!!!"

It was a fire truck with it's light flashing driving towards us on the other side of the highway...

Friends With Benefits

After Crystal just told me she was categorizing our exercise time together under "friends" on her google calendar:

Me: "Is that all I am to you? A friend? A friend with benefits?"
Crystal: "Yeah, a friend with great benefits."

She maintains that marriages are friends with benefits. Somehow I don't think we're talking about the same term...

Fergie

Me (Somewhat confused): You're so two thousand and eight, I'm so two thousand and late!

Crystal: She's pregnant?