Earmuffs

"Does that tree have earmuffs?!?!?!" Crystal yelled as we passed this "tree" on the highway...

Napkin

While eating a sandwich...

Crystal, 100% serious: This is why I love sandwiches. You always have a napkin!

Proceeds to wipe her face with the bottom slice while holding the sandwich. Again, 100% serious.

GOTV

Me, as Mari tried to wiggle away: “Where do you want to go...? ...who you want to see? What you want to do just come with me. Me oh my oh me and guy oh something something something cause we’re rocking O-hi-o!”

Crystal: “Is this a song about voting?”

You're Welcome

Crystal: Thanks for getting the garbage
Me: Yep
Crystal: What?
Me: Uh huh
Crystal: You're welcome. Wait what?

Franco’s Italian Army

Say No to the Dress

Me, while folding clothes: Say yes to the dress...
Crystal: You know, whenever someone says yes to the dress, they're actually saying no to 99 others

Rugby SM

Me: Would you ever be open to getting into...
Crystal: No!
Me: ...?
Crystal: S&M?

I was going to say watching rugby with me...

*Crystal would like to add that she makes no moral judgement on S&M.

No shit...

"Why is Sherlock shitting?"