The Heartland

I had said something about “the heartland”.

Crystal: The heartland? Where is that!?

Me: It’s like Nebraska

Crystal: What is that!? Is that a city or a state!? Where is that even!? Is that where Napoleon Dynamite is from? Is that blue corn? Blue corn!! Is Indiana blue corn?

I kept asking what she was talking about. Purple mountain majesty? And she kept insisting that blue corn is a thing and connected to a state.

Real Lyrics

Crystal had just asked me how I thought of a random thing I just said:


Me: “I pulled that right out of my butt. I reached my hand all the way up my pant leg, up to my butt hole, put my fingers in my butt hole, and pulled it straight out of my butt.”

Crystal (serious): “Is that from... Are those the real words to, you know..., what is that? Yankee Doodle?”

Dicking War

Crystal: “Were they having a dicking war? Wait, what? A dick spray fight?”

I think pissing contest or dick measuring contest was the phrase she was going for...?

Reader Submission: Mega?

Crystal, pointing at iPhone: Is that a mega?

Peggy: You mean a plus?

Dares

Jake: I dare you. I triple dog dare you.

Crystal: Are the dogs stacked on top of each other?

???

Pun, submission

Submission from Crystal: Michael said something about "screw the pooch" and I said eww is that about beastiality? And he said what? Nooo! You just let your mind run! And I said, "nu-uhhh, that wasn't too far-fetched!" Heh heh heh